Sleepless Musings 1: Destiny and Fate

Intro

Anyone who knows me knows I battle with insomnia. When it hits I lay in bed for hours with a racing mind and often an intermittent racing heart. It’s probably the most frustrating thing in my life. I used to take Ambien, but found out I was sleep walking and sleep emailing and sleep journaling and that freaked me out so badly I immediately stopped. I eventually figured out that meditation can help a little bit so I’ve been practicing just layout in bed and disconnecting by letting my thoughts flow without holding on to anything in particular. I’m not great at it, I can usually only keep this up for handful of minutes at a time, but I’m improving. Often I’ll end up traveling into strange places in my brain and start contemplating different ideas. I’ve decided to start a category specifically for these ideas. These ideas are all just musings and not necessarily a reflection of my beliefs, but rather my way of puzzling out things I’ll never understand.

Musing #1

What if everything that will ever happen in my universe has already happened? From the big bang and it’s birth to its eventual destruction, every nano second already played? What if the total count of souls exactly matches the maximum humans alive during one of those nanoseconds and each soul reincarnates into a different person each time, looping over and living all the lives ever lived? I am one of those souls and am currently occupying the life of a woman named Amanda Riu. And what if while occupying this life I’m simultaneously living every variation possible, each decision or event in this life, each fork in my path, spawns a new path to explore. What if my experiences during those variations are all happening at the same time and the random sparks of deja vu and unexplained feelings of pending doom or joy are just shimmers of those experiences reflecting back to me from these other variations of Amanda Riu? What if the only difference between me (my current version anyway) and a schizophrenic is my barriers between the variations are thicker: I get a shimmer, but they get the full beam.

I guess this would give the quote “treat others as you would like to be treated” a whole new meaning! 🤣

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